I was 18 months in India without leaving and had been on a few unsuccessful visa trips to several places in India. I became careless and naïve, thinking to throw away my passport and be a sadhu in Babaji’s court. All of a sudden while traveling in Baroda Babaji asked me; “what happened with your visa”? I told Him that I had failed several times to obtain it and that now nobody with two months overstay nobody would now give me one. Then you go your country Babaji said. I uttered back that when I would try to leave they would put me in prison and not let me come back with such overstay. Just then a senior police officer from Bombay was visiting and Babaji asked him if he could fix my papers. He said he could and he would.
That was a sudden and completely unexpected turn of my blissful sadhu life around Babaji. I was to leave the next day! Planning and plotting and emotional thoughts of leaving Babaji engulfed my mind. I did not sleep very well that night. I wanted to say something, something significant somehow to Babaji before leaving knowing that He was fully aware of what was going around in my mind and heart. It was good to express something verbally at times I felt . My Hindi skills were still limited but a phrase from a bhajan came to mind and said everything I wanted to express.
When I came in for chandan the next morning Babaji was surrounded by several older devotees from Bombay and it was clearly not the best moment to say something. But after this wild night and probably not having another moment before leaving to convey my message I was fully focused as I made pranaam, looked straight in His strong beautiful eyes, held on to His lotus feet and said ; Tum mujko sharana Rakhana. ( Keep me at your holy feet ). With a frown on His face He said; What are you saying ? I repeated it slowly not wavering my attention or position of my hands. Babaji then turned to a devotee by His side and said; What is he saying ? I repeated it once more and then also in English but never took my gaze from His face. This man understood and repeated it to Babaji. Babaji started laughing and then gave me chandan….and told me not to worry.
I don’t think the repeating this a few times was for Him to understand but more for me……For the moments my mind would be focused elsewhere….Repeating and repeating, mantra’s rituals, prayers until it is chiseled in our conscious and unconscious mind and part of us. Worrying, repeating different scenarios of life you don’t like or are afraid of in your mind is like asking for what you do not want. While being focused on what you want is a great help to get you there. Well so far all well, enjoying my life in His grace at His lotus feet.
“Hanuman’s eyes filled with tears as he recalled the Lord’s virtues. He ever enjoyed the nectar of the Lord’s story. His only desire was to be allowed to remain as a devotee of Rama.
Again and again the Lord tried to raise him up; he, however, was so absorbed in love that he would not rise.
When Rama asked him what he wanted, Hanuman answered: “Grant me unceasing devotion, which is a source of supreme bliss.” Ram answered: “So be it.”
(adapted from Tulsidas)
Shri Raghuvir harashi ura laye…